Whatever makes you happy...

Joshua.

Hm. This name came up last week while I was talking about what kind of person I might be like in the Bible… My youth pastor’s wife said that I sort of seem like Joshua, someone who follows, but eventually will lead when the other leader is gone, and take up even more responsibility. Someone who truly cares for the group that God is trying to show love and kindness too. Someone who can fight(?) and protect what belongs to God.

This interested me for a bit, but I didn’t dwell on it.

I left last Sunday to go to a retreat center in the mountains to help out and do garden work and everything (the place is owned by my grandmother). One day during the week, I saw a book lying on the bed that I was given to sleep in. On the cover, in huge letters, said Joshua. I was like “whut” at first, like is this a sign from God or something? but then I starting looking through and reading through the book. It’s an actual story, with characters and a plot and storyline, all fictional, but guess who this ‘Joshua’ guy is? He’s the Son of God. He’s Jesus who came back after so many years of being gone. (btw I’m not relating Jesus to the name Joshua, and then relating that to myself or whatever) But, the author’s way of looking at Jesus surviving and living in the modern world and how he makes a living (he’s a carpenter!) is truly inspiring and eye-opening. crazy stuff. it really makes you think about your life both worldly and spiritual. The author’s name is Joseph F. Girzone. highly recommended read. 

loll my dad’s name is Joshua too.

maybe I’ll name my son Joshua… wait what

Being an older brother…

but not just any older brother. a true, CHRISTIAN older brother.

he says he doesn’t read my tumblr, but i’ll put this up for him anyway.

Bro. I haven’t been the best older brother before. why? because I was an idiot. a complete 똥 who didn’t know any better. I treated you like someone that’s lower than me. I’m responsible for a lot of the feelings that you might have. I’m sorry.

but. BUT. I’m changing that now. I went to college, survived, and came back. There’s so much, SO MUCH, that I need to tell you. Why? So you won’t become like me. So you don’t treat our baby brother the same way I treated you. So you can go through high school and still feel happy. Still keep relationships between you and your friends. So that you can learn to build NEW or RENEW relationships with people. I’m telling you to have conversations, just talk. Talk about yourself, ask (don’t force anything), ask people to talk about themselves. Yes, people might only be open to you so much, they might be afraid that you judge them. Don’t judge them. Keep an open mind. Keep an open HEART. Especially when you’re talking with a fellow brother or sister in Christ. Just having a conversation will help you to grow. You say that your faith is weak? You say that you don’t believe in God anymore, or that you don’t know what to think? Then talk. Pray also, but TALK IT OUT. Read the Bible. Talk about what you read. Don’t preach. I’m not telling you to change anyone. I’m telling you to use words to express yourself. To DEFINE yourself in front of another human being. Not in front of a group of people, but in front of just one person. Of course, if you feel uncomfortable, you don’t have to talk about everything. Take your time. You have time. PLENTY of time. You’re only 16. As long as you use your time wisely, you will have the time that you felt you never had.

Ask questions. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Don’t pity yourself. You said that you put yourself in situations where you can’t get up? Stop doing that.

How? by calming down. take a deeeep breath. let it out. think ‘ok. I will get through this’. Again, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I have two more points, bear with me.

1. Listen- what do I mean by listen? Don’t say anything back. Take each word you hear from another person into consideration. I’m not saying you have to agree, but to listen is to try and understand the position or the point of the other person. If it’s advice someone is giving you, especially from someone who is older, has had more experience and someone you trust, take it in, and apply it to your life. You said before that you changed? Keep changing. Change for the better. But as to why you change, i’ll tell you right now.

2. Live for GOD. Not for yourself. Hopefully you see me as someone older than you, and who has had more experience than you, and someone you respect enough to take this piece of advice. You might be thinking that you are living for God. But I know for a FACT, that you think more about yourself than anything else. You say that you want to build a personal relationship between you and God? How can you do that if you’re putting yourself first? First, try and learn more about God. Who He is, what He does, and how He affects your life, or how He CAN affect your life. First step, accepting Jesus. Second, know that God is LOVE. If you love God, and you let that love direct you to do things that are pleasing to God, and all for the sake of God, then you can be considered a Christian (these are not my own words, these came from a sermon from my church in Boston). If you do things for yourself, and your heart is not in the right place, then you are like the goats, to who Jesus will say “I never knew you, depart from me”

Let me reassure you, I’m not saying your going to hell. And I don’t expect immediate change. But I expect you to try, and NOT TO STOP TRYING.

Also, I’m not telling you this for the sake of “making up for past wrongs” I told you, what’s in the past is in the past. You make mistakes and you learn from them. What’s more important is how you act in the present and in the future.

phew. I’m done for now. and hey, you and I can talk to. just talk. I’m not going to be giving you any more advice unless you ask for it.

I love you bro. Don’t forget that.

what should I talk about…

-I need to read so I can revive my imagination, and expand my vocabulary.

-I need to read the news so that I can stay updated on current events around the world.

-I need to read the BIBLE so that I my faith can grow and so that I can understand what God needs and wants from me.

-I need to read sheet music so that I can maintain my level of musical ability.

though I say that I need to do this and that, I can say that my level of productivity since coming home has never been higher…(edit: ever). It’s a weird feeling.